While I wrote this blog in 2018, this is all still true today…
****
Father’s Day has come and gone, but I still never know how to
handle it when it’s here.
40 years ago, my
biological father chose to not be along for the journey once he found out my
mom was pregnant with me. As you can imagine, finding out the details
doesn’t sit well with a girl in her mid-teens. Over the years (mainly in
college), he would try to reach out, but I would just roll my eyes. Why do you
choose NOW to get to know me?
As I pondered the
question, I would always meet someone who knew my dad more than me, which was
bothersome. Then came the night in the
early 2000’s. My former co-worker Julie asked, “Chandra, what if your dad died
tomorrow, would you feel bad that you didn’t get to know him.” Being the
stubborn lady I can be, my first response was, “Nope! I didn’t make the
decision to leave me.” It took about a month for me to acknowledge how silly
that sounded.
Why am I so mad at him?
If he
did
stay,
I definitely would not be the person I am today. EVERYTHING would be different.
For starters, my sister Janell would not be here and I can’t imagine my life
without her.
It wasn’t too much longer
that I realized I needed to forgive my dad and get to know, HIM.
My biological
father, Jim, died this year (2018) at the age of 64, not even two months after I made it back to Wisconsin from Colorado. And that’s
why I say, “It feels good to forgive.”
We might not have been
best
friends
but, we
were
friends
that had conversations and created memories I will cherish forever.
I'm glad I took the time to let him back in my life and listen to the explanation behind his past decisions.
My dad Jim (Red Dog as he was
known) was a proud Marine and retired Railroad Engineer. He wasn’t perfect, but
neither am I.
Yes, I understand
everyone’s situation is different, but as my friend Julie asked me, would you
regret not knowing the whole story?
**I do want to thank my
Mom, my adoptive father Gary (R.I.P.), Bob and Mikey for their amazing roles in helping me become the
person I am today. And while Red Dog wasn’t there every step of the way, he
still made me who I am as well.
This song is for you dad:
