« Nikki's Thinkin'

Why do the good people suffer?

by Nikki Montgomery

This weekend was tough. It started off sad late last week when we learned that Treyden, the poor baby boy from Stratford fighting leukemia had been sent home from St. Jude because the leukemia has taken up residence in his brain and there's nothing more doctors can do. Treyden celebrates his 1st birthday today.

A Letter to Treyden from Eric Beach on Vimeo.

Saturday was National Best Friends' Day so me and my best friend, Felicia, hung out and took my daughter to the Central WI Children's Museum. Mia had a great time running and playing and we had such a great time watching her. At one point Felicia started to cry. 

Felicia and I have been friends since we were 16/17 years old. She has always been there for me and has accepted me no matter what stupid decisions I've made or mistakes I've made and I have done the same for her. She's always been the tough one as much as I like to pretend I am.

In 2011 while I was pregnant with Mia, Felicia was diagnosed with stage II breast cancer. She was 32 years old with two young boys. She and her husband faced a lot of hardship during the time she was sick and off work. Since going through a full array of treatment the cancer was gone! 

At her routine scan this year the doctor found some spots on her lungs. The plan was to wait 2 months and scan again. The second scan showed that there were more spots than they could count on both lungs ranging from 2mm-6.5mm and the cancer had also spread to her liver. Luckily it had not spread to her bones, but the outlook is still pretty bleak. Her stage II breast cancer has now turned into metastatic breast cancer. Many people with this diagnosis live 5-7 years. Felicia is strong and she's a fighter and she has 3 and 7 year old sons to motivate her to hold on.

On this Best Friends Day as we watched Mia play she thought of all the stuff she could miss. She hugged me and told me through her tears that she doesn't want to miss any moments like this with my new baby. It's moments like this that I have to force myself to be strong. I don't want to cry in front of her, which is especially hard for while pregnant. I want to be strong for her and optimistic. Not that she's being pessimistic, this is her reality. I just can't bring myself to think about the possibility that I could lose my best friend.

Later that day she made things even worse when we were buying garden stakes for her grandma's grave. She asked me if I would promise to take care of her grave because no one takes care of her grandma's but her. 

And as if that didn't break my heart enough. Last night brought the worst news of all.

My husband's cousin in Arkansas was married last year and he and his wife welcomed a beautiful baby boy, Cason, into the world in February. He seemed perfect. 10 little fingers, 10 little toes, big brown eyes, and the cutest smile. Unfortunately as he grew they started noticing that he wasn't developing the way he was supposed to. He was unable to lift his head, he couldn't move his arms from the elbows up, and he didn't kick his legs. The doctors diagnosed this adorable seemingly perfect 2 month old with Spinal Muscular Atrophy (SMA) Type 1, which meant that little baby Cason's muscles would not develop and would continue to atrophy eventually he'd be unable to eat and unable to breathe. 

May 23rd Cason left the hospital with a feeding tube and on oxygen. If I were Cason's mom I'd never sleep. I wouldn't want to miss a minute with this precious little boy. 

Cason turned 4 months old June 4th. Yesterday our phone rang around 9pm...Cason passed away. 

There are so many evil people in this world. So many people who don't deserve to live and God takes people like Cason, Felicia, and Treyden way too early. Why do the good people have to suffer? It is so unfair. 

All this makes me appreciate the little things in life. Every second I get to spend with my daughter is even more precious than the second before. This makes the little things that people complain about on a daily basis seem so pointless. 

Hug your babies and thank God that they're healthy.