Joe's Cassacopia

There was a little old lady who was nearly blind. She had three sons and they wanted to prove which one was the best son to her. 

So son #1 bought her a 15-room mansion thinking this would surely be the best any of them could offer her. 

Son #2 bought her a beautiful Mercedes with a chauffeur included thinking he would surely win her approval. 

Son #3 had to do something even better than these so he bought her a trained parrot. This parrot had been trained for 15 years to memorize the entire Bible. You could mention any verse in the Bible and the parrot could quote it word for word. How useful his nearly blind mother would find that! 

Well, the old lady went to the first son and said, "Son, the house is just gorgeous but it's really much too big for me. I only live in one room, and it's much too large for me to clean and take care of. I really don't need the house, but thank you anyway." 

Then she explained to her second son, "Son, the car is beautiful, it has everything you could ever want on it, but I don't drive and I really don't like that driver, so please return the car." 

Next, she went to son number three and said, "Son, I just want to thank you for that thoughtful gift. The chicken was small, but delicious." 

_{Photo by Beau Gustafson; Styling: Melanie J. Clarke}

Ingredients

1/4 cup all-purpose flour (about 1 ounce)

3/4 teaspoon salt

1/4 teaspoon dried marjoram

1/4 teaspoon dried thyme

1/4 teaspoon dried rubbed sage

4 (4-ounce) boneless center-cut loin pork chops (about 3/4 inch thick)

1 tablespoon butter

Cooking spray

1 1/2 cups 1% low-fat milk

Preparation

Lightly spoon flour into a dry measuring cup; level with a knife. Place flour, salt, dried marjoram, dried thyme, and dried rubbed sage in a shallow dish. Dredge pork in flour mixture, turning to coat; shake off excess. Reserve remaining flour mixture.

Melt butter in a large nonstick skillet coated with cooking spray over medium-high heat. Add pork to pan; cook 2 minutes on each side or until browned. Reduce heat, and cook for 10 minutes or until done, turning pork once. Remove pork from pan; keep warm.

Combine reserved flour mixture and milk in a small bowl, stirring with a whisk until blended. Add milk mixture to pan; place over medium-high heat. Bring to a boil, scraping pan to loosen browned bits. Reduce heat, and simmer 2 minutes or until slightly thickened, stirring constantly. Serve with chops.

Serves 4

Borrowed from Cooking Light, June 2006

A man takes his hamster to the vet, and after a short look at the creature the vet pronounces it dead. Not happy with the vet's diagnosis the man asks for a second opinion. The vet gives a whistle and in strolls a Labrador dog. The dog nudges the hamster around with its nose and sniffs it a couple of times before shaking his head. "There" says the vet,” Your hamster is dead". Still not happy the man asks for a third opinion. The vet opens the back door and in bounds a cat. The cat jumps onto the table and looks the hamster up and down for a few minutes before looking up and shaking it's head. "It's definitely dead sir", says the vet. Convinced, the man enquires how much he owes. "That will be $1,000, please". "A $1,000 just to tell me my hamster is dead" fumes the man. "Well", says the vet, "There's my diagnosis, the lab report and the cat scan". 

_{Photo by Randy Mayor; Styling: Rose Nguyen}

Ingredients

2 teaspoons olive oil

1 cup chopped green bell pepper

1 cup thinly sliced turkey smoked sausage (about 6 ounces)

1 teaspoon bottled minced garlic

3/4 cup fat-free, lower-sodium chicken broth

1 (10-ounce) can diced tomatoes and green chiles, undrained (such as Rotel)

8 ounces peeled and deveined medium shrimp

1 (15-ounce) can organic kidney beans, rinsed and drained

2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley

Preparation

 Heat a large saucepan over medium-high heat. Add oil to pan; swirl to coat. Add bell pepper, sausage, and garlic to pan; sauté 3 minutes or until bell pepper is tender, stirring occasionally. Add broth and tomatoes; bring to a boil. Stir in shrimp and beans; cover, reduce heat, and simmer 6 minutes or until shrimp are done. Sprinkle with parsley.

Serves 4

Borrowed from Cooking Light, September 2009

Larry was startled to see the nonchalant way Jason was taking the fact that his girlfriend was seen with another man. “You said you loved her and yet you saw her with another man and you didn’t knock the guy down?”

“I’m waiting.”

“Waiting for what?” asked Larry

“Waiting to catch her with a smaller feller.”

Ingredients

Caramel:

1/3 cup packed dark brown muscovado sugar or dark brown sugar

3 tablespoons butter

4 teaspoons light corn syrup

Cooking spray

2 tablespoons chopped pecans

Dough:

1 package dry yeast (about 2 1/4 teaspoons)

1 2/3 cups warm water (100° to 110°)

1 1/2 teaspoons salt

5 1/4 cups all-purpose flour, divided (about 23 1/2 ounces)

1/3 cup granulated sugar

1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

2 tablespoons butter, softened

Preparation

To prepare caramel, combine first 3 ingredients in a saucepan over medium heat; stir frequently until butter melts. Continue cooking until mixture thickens and becomes smooth (about 1 minute), stirring constantly. Remove from heat; pour into the center of a 9-inch square baking pan; quickly spread caramel onto pan bottom using a spatula coated with cooking spray. Sprinkle with pecans; cool to room temperature. Lightly coat sides of pan with cooking spray.

To prepare dough, dissolve yeast in warm water in a large bowl; let stand 5 minutes. Stir in salt.

Lightly spoon flour into dry measuring cups; level with a knife. Add 5 cups flour to yeast mixture; stir until a soft dough forms. Turn dough out onto a floured surface. Knead until smooth and elastic (about 8 minutes); add enough of remaining flour, 1 tablespoon at a time, to keep dough from sticking to hands.

Place dough in a large bowl coated with cooking spray, turning to coat top. Cover and let rise in a warm place (85°), free from drafts, 1 hour or until doubled in size. (Gently press two fingers into dough. If indentation remains, the dough has risen enough.) Punch dough down; cover and let rest 5 minutes.

Combine granulated sugar and cinnamon in a small bowl; set aside.

Roll dough into a 16 x 12-inch rectangle on a lightly floured surface; spread 2 tablespoons of softened butter over dough. Sprinkle with cinnamon-sugar mixture, leaving a 1/2-inch border. Roll up rectangle tightly, starting with long edge, pressing firmly to eliminate air pockets; pinch seam to seal (do not seal ends). Cut into 16 (1-inch-wide) slices. (A) Place slices, cut sides up, in prepared pan (rolls will be crowded). Cover and let rise 30 minutes or until doubled in size.

Preheat oven to 375°.

Bake at 375° for 20 minutes or until rolls are light golden brown. Cool in pan 5 minutes on rack. Place a serving platter upside down on top of pan; invert onto platter. Serve warm.

Serves 16

Borrowed from Cooking Light, October 2005

Join us every Friday afternoon on the Duke Ranch for your chance to WIN FuddFest 2012 passes. Between 3:30 and 4 text FUDD to 39327. Enter as often as you like. Keep your phone handy because you may receive a message that says "You're a Winner!"

Congratulations to this week's WINNER - Serena Sblendorio of Stevens Point!

Little Casanova is a handsome little dude and fun to watch. However, I prefer to Carrie Underwood's Cowboy Casanova.

 _{Photo: Becky Luigart-Stayner; Styling: Jan Gautro}

Ingredients

Chocolate Cake:

1 cup Dutch process cocoa

2 cups boiling water

1 cup butter, softened

2 cups superfine sugar

4 large eggs $

2 3/4 cups all-purpose soft-wheat flour

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon chocolate extract

Paper baking cups

Vegetable cooking spray

24 milk chocolate kisses

Cherry Frosting:

1/2 cup butter, softened

3 tablespoons cherry jam or maraschino cherry juice

1/4 cup whipping cream

1/2 teaspoon almond extract

1/8 teaspoon salt

1 (16-oz.) package powdered sugar

Toppings:

24 red maraschino cherries (with stems)

Chocolate Ganache:

1 cup whipping cream

8 ounces semisweet chocolate, chopped

Preparation

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Combine cocoa and 2 cups boiling water in a large heatproof bowl, stirring until blended and smooth; cool completely. Beat butter with a mixer until creamy; gradually add sugar, beating until blended. Add eggs, 1 at a time, beating until blended after each addition. Combine flour and next 3 ingredients; add to butter mixture alternately with cocoa mixture, beginning and ending with flour mixture. Beat at low speed just until blended after each addition. Stir in chocolate extract.

Place paper baking cups in 2 (12-cup) muffin pans, and coat with cooking spray; spoon batter into cups, filling two-thirds full. Bake for 12 to 15 minutes. Do not cool.

While cupcakes are still warm, press 1 chocolate kiss into the center of each. Let cool completely.

To prepare cherry frosting, beat first 5 ingredients at medium speed with an electric mixer until creamy. Gradually add powdered sugar, beating at low speed until blended. Beat at high speed 2 minutes or until creamy. Makes 3 cups.

Frost each cupcake with Cherry Frosting using metal tip no. 2D.

To prepare ganache, cook cream in a heavy nonaluminum saucepan over medium heat, stirring often, just until it begins to steam (do not boil); remove from heat. Place chocolate in a glass bowl. Slowly add hot cream to chocolate, beating with a whisk until chocolate melts and mixture is well blended. The mixture will thicken as it cools. Makes about 2 cups.

Dip cherries in Chocolate Ganache, and place 1 on top of each cupcake.

Yields 24 cupcakes

Borrowed from Southern Living Big Book of Cupcakes, Oxmoor House 2011

Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked a young engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?" The engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks of vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"

The engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?" And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."

Photo by Becky Luigart-Stayner; Styling: Jan Gautro

Ingredients

Strawberry Cake:

12 ounce frozen sliced strawberries in syrup, thawed

1 cup butter, softened

1 1/2 cups sugar

4 large eggs

2 3/4 cups all-purpose soft-wheat flour

2 teaspoons baking powder

1/4 teaspoon baking soda

1/4 teaspoon salt

2 teaspoons strawberry extract

1/4 teaspoon red liquid food coloring

Paper baking cups

Vegetable cooking spray

Chocolate Frosting:

1/2 cup butter, softened

1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa

1/3 cup whipping cream

1/8 teaspoon salt

1 16. oz package powdered sugar

Toppings:

24 fresh strawberries

Chocolate jimmies

Chocolate Ganache:

1 cup whipping cream

8 ounces semisweet chocolate, chopped $

Preparation

To prepare Strawberry Cake, preheart oven to 350 degrees. Process strawberries and syrup in a blendor or food processor until smooth and pureed. Beat butter and sugar at medium speed with an electric mixer in a large bowl until creamy. Add 1/2 cups strawberry puree; beat 1 minute.  Add eggs, 1 at a time, beating until blended after each addition. Combine flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt; add to butter mixture, beating until blended. Stir in strawberry extract and food coloring.

Place paper baking cups in 2 (12-cup) muffin pans, and coat with cooking spray; spoon batter into cups, filling two-thirds full.

Bake for 12 to 15 minutes or until a wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool in pans on wire racks 10 minutes; remove from pans to wire racks, and cool completely.

To prepare Chocolate Frosting, beat first 4 ingredients at medium speed with an electric mixer until creamy. Gradually add powdered sugar, beating at low speed until blended. Beat at high speed 2 minutes or until creamy. Makes 3 cups.

Fill each cupcake with Chocolate Frosting. To fill cupcakes, insert the end of a wooden spoon or dowel into the center of the cupcake to make a hole. Fill a zip-top plastic freezer bag with filling or frosting. Use scissors or kitchen shears to snip about 1/4 inch from one corner of the bag; insert bag into the hole in the cupcake. Squeeze gently until filling comes to the top of each cupcake.

Frost each cupcake with Chocolate Frosting.

To prepare ganache, cook cream in a heavy nonaluminum saucepan over medium heat, stirring often, just until it begins to steam (do not boil); remove from heat. Place chocolate in a glass bowl. Slowly add hot cream to chocolate, beating with a whisk until chocolate melts and mixture is well blended. The mixture will thicken as it cools. Makes about 2 cups.

Place 1 fresh strawberry on top of each cupcake. Top each cupcake with chocolate jimmies, and drizzle with warm Chocolate Ganache.

Note:  To warm Chocolate Ganache, microwave in a microwave-safe bowl at HIGH 15 to 20 seconds.

Yields 24 cupcakes

Borrowed from the Southern Living Big Book of Cupcakes, Oxmoor House 2011